Embrace Better

Reputation vs. Character – Do You Care Who Wins?

Four Revealing Ways You Care More About Your Reputation Than Your Character

Jason had a great reputation. He was charismatic, well liked, and excellent at his job. But he was living a double life. He was not faithful to his wife and not living up to the values that he said he actually held.

His reputation was everything. When his world began to unravel, the first thing he cared about is what everyone knew and what they thought of him. The last thing on his mind was the demise of his character.

Reputation vs. Character – Do you care you wins this fight?

How often do you hear the following?

His reputation took a hit
She has a reputation as…
I’ll put my reputation on the line and say…

Your reputation is important. But when it becomes MORE important than your character, you’re entering some choppy waters, my friend. And often the discovery comes well after the fact.

I absolutely love this quote by Hall of Fame UCLA basketball coach, John Wooden:

“Be more concerned with your Character than your Reputation because your Character is what you really are where your Reputation is merely what others think of you”.

Coach Wooden spent more time in his pursuit of creating men of character than just a winning basketball program. And ironically, he did both.

[tweetthis] Character is one of those difficult and challenging words to define yet when someone doesn’t have character, you know it immediately.[/tweetthis]

I travel an absolute ton and often I meet someone who “appears” to be one person but over time and the more I get to know them (the blessing or curse of being a question asker) their character comes out.

Sometimes it comes out and is a light shade of gray. “Did she just say what I think she said or meant it that way?”

Other times it comes out and is a charcoal shade of gray. “Hey man, let’s hit the club and I don’t mean health club. We’re on the road and our wives will never know. It’s not like I’m having an affair or anything.”

Little did they know the original reputation of what they thought they were, changed with me to a completely different reputation of which ultimately revealed their character.

Here are 4 Revealing Ways You Care More about your Reputation than your Character:

1. You base your decision first on what others would say or think

When your 1^st impulse is how others would react, this is a reputation play, not character.

It should also be an obvious indicator that your reputation is a bigger deal to you than you even realize.

It’s also the first of four steps that lead down a slippery slope of being consumed with your reputation far more than your character. But wait, there’s more…

2. You feel you need to justify your actions to others

So you make a decision and if you feel it is in question, you immediately need to let EVERYONE know WHY you made the decision.

Wondering what someone thinks is one thing. But when you start to “sell them” on why you made the decision, this is something completely different.

This should be a warning sign that your impulse to justify that decision is leading you further down a dangerous path and is easily leading you to the next step…

3. You defend yourself more than what is right

Further down this path of guarding your reputation at all costs you begin to switch your focus.

[tweetthis]When your defense immediately defaults to you and not truth, then your reputation is FAR more important than you probably even realize. [/tweetthis]

My wife and I are in the process of teaching our kids to “always do the right thing, not just the easy thing”. But this is SO much easier said than done and so much more as the stakes are higher as an adult.

But reputation rears its selfish head when what is right is lost for who is in question.

4. You would do absolutely anything to preserve your reputation

If you find yourself going to great lengths to keep your reputation in tact, you are far down the path of losing your character.

It may begin with shading the truth and could end up in full on lies to keep your coveted reputation in tact.

This is a slippery slope because you could ultimately compromise your values just to please others.

This is a progression from #1 to #4. It’s a downward spiral that will erode your character over time.

And you will begin to gain momentum the further down the spiral which will make it incredibly difficult to stop the train. Be careful.

In the End…

Reputation is important and should be guarded. But the moral of the story is character is MORE important than your reputation alone.

Take care of your character and your reputation will take care of itself. Rarely it’s the other way around.

Motivated, busy professional who want to escape their average need to, at some point, make the shift from caring more about their character than their reputation.

But this takes two things: maturity and growth.

I encourage and even challenge you to see which of the four revealing ways and see where you are in the process.

Self-Revealing Question:

Do you personally care more about your character or your reputation?

The Secret Killer of Productivity

Three Convincing Reasons Not to Simply React to Your Day

You sit down to work and one of the following happens:

You hear your infamous text ding and well, you know what happens next
You choose to return this “one pop-up email” while working on something else (because it popped up and seems urgent) only to lose 10 minutes going back and forth
Someone interrupts you with “hey, this will only take a second”
You’re going to just check this one thing and it leads to another thing which leads to…

It’s like hitting rush hour traffic. Again. And again. You get absolutely no where.

I’ve always struggled in this area. I like movement and getting a lot accomplished quickly. But there is always a trade-off and a cost.

Yet reacting gives me a rush because I feel busy. I feel like I’m still accomplishing something at the end of the day.

Sadly, most of the time only God knows what actually was accomplished but it was something, right?!

The book The 5 Choices hits this topic dead on by describing it as URGENT

Q1 – Urgent / Important

If it’s Q1 (quandrant) you’re in crisis and it’s high stress.

Q3 – Urgent / Not Important

If it’s Q3, it just wants your attention and wants it now! But isn’t necessary unless you get a thrill or instant gratification from relieving the urgency of it

I want and should live in Q2 – Important but not urgent but live in the land of react.

But is there a cost? Could reacting actually be a secret killer of productivity?

Here Are Three Convincing Reasons Not to Simply React to Your Day:

1. Loss of Control

When I’m reacting the 1^st thing I lose is the control of my day. I find this in two specific areas:

Others Requests / Demands
Personal Rabbit Trails

I also find someone wants me to respond instantly then they take their sweet time returning the favor.

Sure, I drop everything because it was urgent then it’s no longer that important. (insert bitterness here)

But I do have control to what is truly worth stopping what I’m doing to consciously choose to do something else.

2. Loss of Momentum

The 2^nd loss is all momentum. How many times have you stopped to react to something and had absolutely no idea what you were originally doing? Yeah, no waste of time there, right?

Or more times than not, I have to re-read my work to see where I left off, and get back in the zone of whatever I was working on before I hi-jacked all momentum.

In the book, The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy (highly recommended), the author spends an entire chapter on “The Big Mo” (momentum, for those not following along at home) and the power of it when harnessed.

Yet, when we react, all of the momentum that has been gained is like a freight train slamming on its break. It will not regain its speed quickly it had before the sudden stop.

3. Loss of Results

In the end, the highest price for reacting becomes my results.

Sometimes it’s a short-term result because the reaction distracted me to a key thought or idea which I rarely recapture after that “so important” work stoppage.

Other times I lose precious time never to be retrieved again and I live in the land of regret. Been there. The admission is too high and never worth it.

Rarely is my reaction worth the time I took to stop and pay attention to it. But yet I so easily can get pulled in by its shiny attraction.

Here Are Two Solutions on How Not to React:

Limit possible distractions

The less I have around me that can distract me, the less my urge to react dramatically decreases and my productivity increases.

Here are my biggest culprates to take me down on reacting to a distraction:

Text – the ding owns me – I am a slave to it!
Email – cannot resist the email pop-up across the screen
Websites – seeing an open icon is like dark chocolate to my wife or a good bottle of vino for yours truly

I will justify “this will only take a second” (lies I tell you!) which it very well could be quick but I sacrifice momentum which is never worth the reaction.

I have a natural gift that I will find myself drawn to most distractions and then I’ve officially lost control. Can I get an Amen?

Discipline

In the end, I must CHOOSE what is more important and have the discipline to determine what is most important and actually do it.

One of the best ways I can measure how disciplined I was for the day was to measure my actual results at the end of the day. I look back and see what was accomplished in comparison to my original plan for the day. (of course, both require planning – see link)

When I take the time to actually look at what was done then when went wrong, this valuable intel lets me know what to adjust for tomorrow.

But the reality is I must resolve that whatever I’m working on deserves my focus and attention more than reacting to the urgent. Then I must actually do it.

This reality takes discipline to delay instant gratification and produce the actual desired results.

IN THE END…

If you’re truly serious about productivity, you will do three specific actions:

Determine what is your distraction (or if like me, distractions) immediately

Seek to eliminate them at all costs (even instant gratification)

Evaluate your progress daily

Closing Question…

How are you doing in this area? Do you find this is the secret killer of your productivity?

The Biggest Daily Lie I Tell Myself

Three Challenging Reasons Why Something, Anything Is Better Than Nothing

So, I have a plan for my day but somehow it goes sideways.

I know that I need to get a workout in and even planned a time but for circumstances beyond my control (or at least I tell myself that), I’m at the place of asking this question.

Now, it’s not like I’ve never asked this question and ironically, it’s a question that has the same answer every time. Yet I ask it like it’s brand new to me.

Here’s the question:

“Do I have time to workout?”

But here’s the point. It ALWAYS leads to a lie that creeps in every single time. Ready for it:

“IF I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME FOR A FULL WORKOUT, DON’T WORKOUT AT ALL. IT’S NOT WORTH IT.”

Do you hear it’s subtleties and persuasive tone? And sadly, too many times I all for the lie. I actually want to believe the lie some days. I rationalize how much time it’s going to take to get to the gym, or get changed, warm up (which I rarely ever do but count it as one more excuse).

But here’s the truth, “SOMETHING, ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING” when it comes to working out!

And Here are Three Challenging Reasons Why Something, Anything Is Better Than Nothing:

1. MINDSET

The more serious I become about fitness and getting into great shape, the more important my mindset becomes in making healthy choices in this area.

Here is my current mindset: I’ll take what I can get and make the absolute most of it!

It’s changed from looking for excuses to get out of a workout to looking for reasons to actually workout!

Did you catch the difference? It was the mindset. One was MAXIMIZING and one was MINIMIZING.

My mind is my biggest challenge, even more than time, soreness, or simply just being tired. If I can convince my mind to “show up”, most of the battle is fought with my body.

2. ROUTINE

I’m a routine person in certain areas of my life. I absolutely love variety and creativity but not in my workout schedule. I thrive on CONSISTENCY.

And here’s a secret my mind has not figured out: it doesn’t remember if I spent 15 minutes or 45 minutes working out. It just remembers that I worked out yesterday which makes it easier to workout today and not justify skipping because I missed yesterday.

And EVERY SINGLE TIME I show up to workout for “just a few minutes”, I not only stay longer but often have a better workout. Imagine that.

Absolutely use this psychology to your advantage. Have the right mindset that “something, anything is better than nothing to start then play the consistency card and lock in that routine.

3. NUTRITION

EVEN if I only work out for a few minutes, I have FAR LESS of a chance to be lazy on my food choices the remainder of the day. I feel better about myself and as a result, want to keep that momentum going.

Now, if I’ve believed the biggest lie, that if I don’t have enough time for a full workout, don’t workout at all… it has a domino effect and I easily justify poor eating choices.

If my workout is in the morning, my lunch is ALWAYS healthy. If I workout in the late afternoon, my dinner is ALWAYS healthy. Crazy how that works, huh?

And here is when the key is just showing up. Don’t believe the biggest daily lie that wants to take down both your fitness and your nutrition. Check out the post on the Direct Correlation Between Nutrition and Fitness here.

Here’s the SIMPLE POINT for me:

[tweetthis]Some of my best workouts are when I’m pressed for time. I’m more focused & motivated because every minute counts. [/tweetthis]

ADVICE AT NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE:

Plan ahead and think through your day to determine two decisions:

When you CAN / WILL find time for a workout
What you will do with those precious few minutes

Often, I know when my day is going sideways and there is little to nothing I can do about it. But I also know when I could find time to “sneak in” a quick workout. Plan ahead.

For example, when I’m traveling, I don’t always have control of how early my morning begins like I do when I’m at home. So, I have a couple of options:

1. Sneak in an AB workout in my hotel room

2. Look for margin within my day which is usually after the day and before dinner

Now, if I choose #1, it’s only 10-15 minutes (currently Insanity Max:30 ab workouts) and I definitely eat a healthier breakfast AND more likely to do #2 and MAKE time later in the day for a workout.

It simply goes back to Mindset, committing to your Routine, and letting the Big Mo of Nutrition drive it home.

CLOSING QUESTION:

Assuming I’m not the only one who struggles in this area of fitness…

How do you handle this lie each day?

Do You Have IT?

Do You Have It?

Three Foundational Reasons to Live a Life of Purpose

So many people just simply don’t IT.

They think they do. They may even fake they do, but the reality is they don’t have IT.

Some people go through their entire lives and find out at the end they didn’t have IT and as a result feel like they wasted their entire lives.

How could someone live their life and even see that other people have IT yet still never find IT themselves?

IT ironically will look different for each person but the reality is in the end, IT has common characteristics to anyone who has IT.

So, What is IT?

IT can be defined in just seven letters: P U R P O S E

The definition of Purpose is “the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.”

My simplified definition of Purpose is as follows:

“Doing something bigger than me or living for something bigger than myself”

Living with purpose is bigger than money, power, or prestige. So many thought that was their purpose but when they achieved IT, they found themselves hollow and left wanting more.

IT was NOT what they had thought or hoped it would be and often SO much valuable time was lost that will never be regained.

There are countless stories of people who go through life assuming IT was one thing and found out IT was something completely different. Let me give you an example.

IT IS OBVIOUS WHEN YOU SEE IT

Most days I don’t run across someone with Purpose. Its just business as usual. But when I meet someone with purpose, I am drawn to him or her.

The irony is they don’t have to announce to me “I have Purpose”. Why? It’s just evident in everything they do and they way they approach life.

I may not even understood or agree with their Purpose but I instantly respect IT.

There are three foundational reasons to live a life of Purpose:

1. Purpose Gives Life Meaning – Why I’m Here

Mark Twain was once quoted for saying, “The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you found out why.”

[tweetthis]Life must have meaning. Too many people walk around on a self-imposed life sentence just doing their time. – Bryan Paul Buckley[/tweetthis]

Is this you? Do you know why you’re here and does your purpose give your life meaning?

2. Purpose Gives Life Direction – Where I’m Heading

Once I know the why, I know where I am headed. Most people have little to no direction in their lives.

They simply log another day in the books, saying “thank God it’s Friday” then “oh God, its Monday.”

This is language of someone who lives his or her life without direction. If you had a direction you were heading, you would have the motivation to live life with purpose.

3. Purpose Gives Life Focus – What I Should Be Doing

When I know why I’m here (meaning) and where I’m heading (direction) then I will know EXACTLY what I should be doing (focus).

This will unfold the rare gift of clarity and will affect everything else in your life most specifically, how you should use your time.

The guesswork and meandering through your days are gone. There is no longer time to waste. You have a purpose and you are compelled to accomplish IT.

Closing Thoughts

The sad part is just how many people use SEVEN LETTERS to describe their lives:

S U R V I V E

I believe most people would not readily offer that as their actual life purpose but their day-to-day behavior and decisions point to that as simply surviving.

You can hear it in their language:

Just trying to make it through the day
Can’t wait for the weekend
What’s the point anyway?

Question and answer with complete honesty:

So, where are you in this process? Do you have IT yet? Are you fulfilled right now in this place in your life? If not, do not lose heart.

If you’re a motivated busy professional, you have the desire and motivation to make the necessary changes in your life to make a difference.

What if you had a true and clearly defined purpose to guide your life? I mean intentionally guide your life.

I hope this challenges you to begin thinking about finding IT and changing your seven words from merely S U R V I V E to P U R P O S E.

In future Purpose posts, I plan to unpack each one of the three main reasons to live a life of purpose but wanted to give you something to think about right now.

Closing Question:

What is your IT in your life right now…?

What is the Absolute Best Way to Hijack Your Day?

Three Key Benefits of Planning Your Day Ahead

How do you start the work part of your day? I’ve found this question has dumb-founded more people and caused more defensiveness than almost any other question.

Why? Because it questions how someone uses their time and you might as well dive right into religion and politics since you’re gaining so much credibility. (don’t do that, bad idea!)

What is the absolute best way to hijack your day? Here’s the gun-point answer:

Here are some of the rich benefits to reacting:

You get to react all day long
You get to make excuses why you didn’t get anything done
You’re not responsible for the outcome
You get to do it all over again tomorrow and act like today never happened!

Compelling, huh? (insert sarcasm here)

But is there another way? What if this way is not working for you? If you’re a motivated, busy professional who wants to excel in areas only you can control, this may be average and acceptable for everyone else but not you.

What if you went into your day with a plan? A guide that let you know what was important and what should be done by the end of the day? This simple process could be a game changer for most people.

EXCUSES, EXCUSES

Yet I hear over and over that people don’t have time to plan. Really? But they have time to waste time by either doing non-productive work or checking social media, personal email, etc. Not blaming, just saying.

It truly gets down to making choices that will ultimately make you more effective. It’s not getting defensive and truly being will to learn and grow how to embrace better in your life.

“Do not mistake activity for achievement” said economist Mabel Newcomber, and I could not agree with her more.

Most people get to the end of their day and wonder where the day went and spent it on almost everything that was either not important or what actually needed to be accomplished.

And the problem only worsens as the next day. My opinion is to make the bad man stop. For those following along at home, this is a solvable problem.

It’s also a great opportunity to choose what not to do. Greg McKeown, author of Essentialism (must read) said,

“Sometimes what you DON’T do is just as important as what you do.”

But this is not a spare of the moment decision. It requires pre-thought and decision which comes out of planning your day.

There are Three Key Benefits of Planning Your Day:

1. Focus

Nothing beats focus. When you choose to plan and not react to your day, good things happen. I find when I do not plan my day, I am so random. I jump from task to task and although busy all day, I don’t feel like I really accomplished anything and exhausted. (go figure)

But when I plan my day, I know WHAT to do and as a result can focus on what I planned and needed to do. What a difference! And it’s amazing the results when you focus and distractions are “sold separately.”

2. Priorities

The goal is to determine the three most important priorities of the day (author Kenneth Ziegler in his book, Organizing for Success calls them “Veggies”). Once chosen “prioritize your priorities.”

At the end of the day, you will ALWAYS have completed the most important priority of the day. How good would THAT feel?

One of my favorite yet most challenging questions comes from the book, The One Thing by Gary Keller, who asks,

“What is the ONE thing I can do such that by doing it EVERYTHING else will be easier or unnecessary?”

Imagine if you answered that question every morning when setting your priorities..? But choosing your daily priorities is a direct result from the small time investment in planning your day.

3. Results

If you’re a high achiever which most motivated professionals are, then you love results. Yet I’ve found when I don’t have a plan I don’t see any real results and get frustration included at no additional charge.

I’ve yet to meet or read about a successful person who chooses a “shotgun” approach to their day. They see results in direct correlation to their plan for the day. Then why should you if you want to be effective?

[tweetthis]Here’s my advice if you’re not consistently planning right now: PLAN 2 PLAN. – Bryan Paul Buckley[/tweetthis]

Choose a realistic amount of time to begin, say just 5 minutes and schedule it in your day. Let it be your first 5 minutes. Then see what happens. Evaluate at the end of the week and measure the power of focus, setting priorities, and simply weigh the results.

You may find that 5 minutes needs to grow and I’ll even throw in an extra 5 minutes right now at no additional charge. (said in a cheesy infomercial voice)

But seriously, I’ve never heard about a person who began planning who every went back to reacting to their day. Are you up for the challenge?

Or if you are planning your day, what could you do to make it more effective?

Closing Question:

How consistent are you at planning your day? And when you do, how much better are the results?