How to Create Your 12 Relational Core Connections

 

Through our lives we’ve met thousands of people and many have become friends at some point along the way. From high school and college to work, neighborhood, and church, there is never a shortage of relationships.

Then you add social media and the ability to connect with people from the past and far away and the number of relationships just continue to climb.

Anyone at anytime can have hundreds or even thousands of Facebook friends, Twitter followers, and LinkedIn connections. It’s great for the ego!

But the reality is you can only be around a certain number of relationships that can really add genuine value to your life.

What if you narrowed your hundreds of relationships in your life down to a specific quantity and really concentrated on developing those relationships?

Some relationships are seasonal. If I move or change jobs, those proximity relationships will be altered by distance.

I’m at an age where I want quality relationships in my life. Been there and done that in the quantity, I want depth.

And as a result I’ve spent focused time creating my 12 relational core connections. Here was my process:

Step 1 – Set a Time

I found a block of time when I was fresh and could focus thinking through my relationships.

This process mattered to me so I wanted to give it focused time with a Time Block to make the most of the process. We need Think Space for projects like these that are important.

Note: I revisited this Time Block a couple of times for this process.

Step 2 – Start Writing Names

I went old school and took out a blank sheet of paper and began to think through all of the people that really mattered to me throughout my life.

Think through different locations and seasons of your life. Look at your contacts, social media connections, etc.

It was actually fun coming up with the names. It was a stroll down my life memory lane and it reminded me of the number of people that have come through my life at key moments.

Step 3 – Narrow the Names

Now it gets personal. I want you to get the list under 20 names. There’s a reason so begin getting the list down.

Remember, your friends are NOT seeing your list so you’re not offending anyone.

Some of those names that “didn’t make the list” will be used in other ways soon.

This is a fluid process. I circled the names that started to climb the priority list to reference in the next step.

Step 4 – Choose Your 12 Finalists = Circle of INVESTMENT

Since you have a limited amount of time in your day and week, you want a focused group of pre-chosen connections.

These 12 names are people that you want to invest and continue to develop these relationships.

They’re also people you want to invest into your life because of the richness they bring to you.

These names may even be couples and encouraged.

Note: people will come in and out of this circle and that’s okay. I suggest revisiting this list yearly.

 

Step 5 – Choose Your Top 3 = Circle of INFLUENCE

Now it really gets personal. From the 12 names, I want you to pull three people who have the most influence on you.

These Top 3 have the most influence on you and your Inner Circle for right now. Not at some time but right now.

These are 3 influential people you will update first when something happens. You go to them for advice and counsel. You call them when something goes wrong and you need depth.

They hold the most influence in your life right now.

Step 6 – Choose the 1 = Circle of IMPACT

You knew this was coming. This is the guy. Everyone needs “a guy” (gender neutral) that is “the person” in your life.

This person has the most impact on your life. No matter what, you need them not only in your life but on your side and in your junk. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

But you may say, I don’t have “just one person”. You’re allowed two because it’s YOUR list.

The goal is finding the person(s) that have the most impact in your life.

 

Now What?

Determining my 12 Relational Core Connections was very revealing to me. It gave me a snapshot of the people that really mattered to me. Here is what I did next:

Confirm the List –  If I’m going to invest my time into 12 people, I want to be sure of the names. This took me longer than I expected probably because of how serious I took the assignment.

Send a Message – I sent a message to each person on the list letting them know how much I appreciated their role in my life and specifically let them know I considered them part of my “circle of investment”, “circle of influence” or “circle of impact.” Every person responded that the message meant a lot to them.

Begin Scheduling Time With Each Person – Since you’ve focused on only 12 names, you can begin to intentionally insert them into your schedule. If you only have a certain amount of time this week or month, choose the 12.

Closing Challenge…

So, have you already began to think of names for your list? Are you an over-achiever and already started writing them down?

The challenge is obvious: create your 12 relational core connections. Go through each of the six steps and work through the process.

Motivated professionals need to focus on their relationships especially that are core to who they want to be and the quality of their lives.

These are the areas of personal development that will make your life better and more fulfilled.

Closing Question…

When will you take the time to determine your 12 relational core connections?