Monitor the Heart

How an Unexpected Surgery Has Exposed Struggles in my Life

This article will be unusual for a few reasons:
1. It discusses my off-road life
2. It’s personal
3. It’s something I’ve never experienced and challenges the six energy habits

I’m known as a very healthy guy and work hard to keep this elite status both on the road and at home.
Then 2020 hit. If Covid-19 wasn’t disruptive enough in every area of life, 2020 was brutal on the health side in the Buck Fam.

In May, my 9-year old was severely burned and it was one of the scariest moments of my life as I wondered if my son would have skin damage for the remainder of his life. He’s come a long way amidst this scare and time will tell on the long-term scarring.

Then I had a colonoscopy and a scope done due to unknown stomach issues. Another rough health stretch that required going in-and-out of the hospital.

Over the summer, I severely bruised my rib and pulled some muscles playing with the kids that required X-rays and an MRI and dramatically affected my summer. #RoughHealthStretch

Until….
I had the mother of all falls. And due to the severely bruised rib and pulled muscles, I instantly protected my ribs at the cost of my shoulder. For weeks, I just pushed through it and it kept getting worse. Then… my 4-year old flew through the air with the greatest of ease from a retaining wall and absolutely finished the job on my left shoulder.

The next day something pops and a few days later, I’m getting an MRI. If the technician’s face had words, it was “you have no idea what you’re in for buddy.” 24 hours later I’m seeing a specialist at Northwestern Medicine in the Chicago land area who told me I had multiple tears in my rotator cuff. Within 36 hours, I meet with the surgeon, and my surgery was made for the next possible surgery slot.

Now, if you’ve ever had “one of those surgeries” everyone has a story for, you know what I’m talking about and this is definitely in that category. At this point, I listen, smile, or read the text, and just say thank you.

Surgery happened a few days ago,

Exposed Struggle #1 – I’m getting little to no movement

Movement creates energy.

First taken away was my ability to lift any weights after the initial injury which was an immediate red flag that something was wrong. After the 2nd blow, I lost the ability to do any cardio due to the pounding on the shoulder.

This has left me to standing and walking which as you know, “something, anything is better than nothing.”

But I’m feeling the loss of Run More and Lift More in Energy Habit One: MOVE.

Post-surgery, I’m having to spend a ton of time icing so my stand time has decreased as well.

Physical therapy starts soon and it will be three months of intensity – bring it on.

I know this will be the longest of my exposed struggles due to the nature of the injury but each day feels like a month at this point.

Word to Myself: Walk Away – I need to increase my walk time every chance I get every single day and no matter what the weather

Exposed Struggle #2 – I’m unstructured and unproductive

I was able to get work done pre-surgery up until the back-to-back tests and doctor appointments but I had no idea how much I would be scattered and unmotivated post-surgery.

My pain has been higher than planned and for the first time I’m balancing lack of meds and pain with clarity or more meds, less pain, and cloudy. #NotAFan

I don’t have my normal morning routines because my nights are absolutely brutal. Even though I took off work and I’m playing it day-by-day, each day just feels like a meandering of nothing really getting done.

And for someone who is a high achiever and loves seeing results, there is more pain than just my shoulder shooting pains!

I get it. I’m days after a surgery that majorly affects my day-to-day life. But I’m already done with feeling like I’m wasting hours and now, days.

Word to Myself: Get a Plan – I need to start with my morning routine to begin my day with structure and then choose one major thing I can accomplish every single day.

Exposed Struggle #3 – I’m a night owl again

By nature, I come alive in the evening especially if I stay up past 10:00 pm. Something in my body ignites and I’m ready to go another round or two.

I used to stay up late all the time. I can blame the NBA and MLB playoffs which usually are my fall mistress but it’s far more than just some games that I don’t have a dog in the fight. My family goes to bed and I’m clocking hour after hour of awake time which I used to be “that guy.”

Word to Myself: Sleep with your wife! I need to go to bed with my wife no matter what even if it takes me forever to crash. I need to put a “kibosh” on this loose bedtime which is never good.

Exposed Struggle #4 – I’m lazy on my eating

My meds have affected my appetite so I’m all over the place of what and when I’m eating.

Then you add the exposed struggle of becoming a night owl again. And what did I do when I stayed up late before? Trashed a perfectly good eating day in a matter of moments with the late-night cravings.

I cannot depend on those around me to make good choices for me. Unfortunately, when I’m not working out, I’m lazier on my diet but I cannot let this one go especially with being down for three months of intense physical therapy.

I know better and need to get a new hot streak going in the right direction eating healthier.

Word to Myself: MTHC (Make the Healthiest Choice) – I need to continually hydrate more along with eat cleaner and greener

Exposed Struggle #5 – I’m not sleeping

Between us girls, the roughest part of my post-surgery recovery has been sleeping (or the lack thereof). I’m like a pet taking multiple short naps through the night. And it’s absolutely killing me. It affects my early morning routine which I mentioned, and then it affects my structure and productivity, already mentioned.

I have this gadget called the “ultra sling” which keeps my arm in a certain position for my rotator cuff to heal after multiple tears that had to be re-attached. I get it and understand it but I struggle so much during the night time.

It was recommended to sleep in a recliner but again, that’s the nap spot and I’m just not comfortable there all night every night. I prefer my bed.

And as a result, I may be in my own bed, then the recliner, then the guest bed all in one night and it’s killing me, smalls!

Word to Myself: Don’t make it worse – I need to make the best of the rest I get knowing it will eventually get better

Exposed Struggle #6 – I’m drinking at home like I’m entertaining on the road

This one has been already in the works with Covid and all of the changes that have challenged my family and especially me the past six months.

But I’ve succumbed to drinking to make me feel better and this is a slippery slope at best. I’m not in a good place and drinking all the time like I’m entertaining on the road is not the answer.

I’m drinking less amounts but the frequency needs to be addressed.

I’m not a good example in this area for my kids and this needs to matter to me more especially right now since everyone is home all of the time.

Word to Myself: Lay off the Sauce – I need to “be dried out” during the week. No excuses.

These side exposed struggles have exposed three primary emotions I’m experiencing on a consistent basis:

Frustration – I can’t move as I’ve always done. I literally cannot move my arm and it’s paralyzing and frustrating to need so much help and struggle on so many simple tasks like taking a shower, getting dressed, really anything that requires two hands
Anxiety – I’ve never had a limb so damaged and affect my life and it’s created this rare emotion in me. I’m anxious around people. I feel trapped in the sling especially at night and it’s revealed a level of anxiousness that is concerning to me.
Depression – I’ve not been one to stay discouraged or depressed for long but all of the financial and health blows my family and I have suffered this year have put me in a place where I’m fighting this demon. It’s also feeding some of these struggles such as not eating well, not wanting to go for a walk, not caring if I’m structured or productive, and definitely drinking too often.

I need to be honest, I hate admitting these struggles but I want to be real to you in the good and the bad. This unexpected injury and now surgery exposed these struggles and deep emotions that are overwhelming but part of my journey right now especially being off the road.

I hope you found my vulnerability sincere and refreshing. As my brother has taught me for decades, “this too shall pass.” I’ve been through worse and will choose to grow through it not just go through it.

I’m blessed to have close friends and a counselor to process these struggles and emotions which is absolutely critical right now in my life. I want to help you become and remain an Elite Road Warriar today to eliminate burnout and exceed results.

You Got This!

References

10 Business Travel Hacks Guide

7 Early Warning Signs for Companies to Avoid Business Travel Burnout

Eight Questions I Ask Every Morning on the Road

If you’re interested in the audio version of this article in these locations:

Do you know what most business travelers do one thing when they wake up in the morning on the road in their hotel room?

The first guess would be to hit snooze on the alarm and many do.

But Elite Road Warrior Group Research has shown that most business travelers…

Reach for their phone.

Why? Well, there’s a handful of reasons but no matter the reason and what they do, there is always one thing in common:

It hijacks their morning.

Why? Because it’s a time sucker especially if we jump into the news or social media.

It’s also filled with OPAs – other people’s agenda.

What they want or need from you
What they want to tell you
What they want you to buy

Many lose easily a half hour or more and haven’t even climbed out of bed yet!

No condemnation here, Road Warrior.

I believed and justified in my head that if I could “just get ahead” looking at my email, calendar, Slack or WeChat, etc. it would help me.

Lies nothing but lies!

I used to be so unintentional and reactive to whatever caught my attention or the path of least resistance in the morning on the road.

And I was the advocate for how impossible it was to do anything but work on the road and especially no time for professional or personal development.

So I get it.

But here’s what I missed…

I missed the gift of the morning.
I missed the silence.
I missed the solitude.
I missed the chance to invest in me, the one thing nobody else can do for me.

And nobody else will guard unless I seize it. The morning is the perfect place for it especially if I’ve had a good night of rest.

Let me state upfront. Right now, my 1st hour in the morning on the road is filled only with energy habits.

The two largest of my morning energy habits are:

MOVE – Increase M4X – Stand more / Walk more / Run more / Lift more
DEVELOP – Sharpen the Mind / Process the Thoughts / Monitor the Heart

And my motto, my theme is two phrases used often with Road Warrior Nation:

Consistency Over Length
Something, Anything, is Better Than Nothing

There are two things I do immediately after single morning on the road:

Hydrate – (Fuel – Continually Hydrate) with 16 oz water, lemon, sea salt, and greens powder
Read – (Sharpen the Mind and Process the Thoughts) – my Bible then something inspirational (if it’s the day of a flight, I save this reading for the 1st 20-30 minutes of the flight)

Once those two habits are done of hydrate and read, I move on to my Elite Road Warrior Journal. It has two portions:

Think Space (Process the Thoughts) dotted page Notebook
Eight Questions Journal (Monitory the Heart) blank page Notebook

Here are some initial questions asked of my personal process:

Q1 – How long do you take to journal your questions?

5-15 minutes

Q2 – Where do you journal?

Most of the time in my hotel room at the desk but sometimes if my hotel is near a park, forest, water, etc. I’ll choose there.

One time I climbed Mount Spokane and journaled there – talk about silence/solitude/ and inspiring!

Q3 – What do you write with?

I’m pretty anal and OCD and have four fine tip Zebra multi-colored pens I use that I keep in a leather pouch I found off Amazon.

For the record, there will be a branded leather case for the pens and the pens included in the very near future. Just go to EliteRoadWarrior.com for details.

I use different colors for different reasons when I write for both my Monitor the Heart journal and Think Space journal.

Q4 – What do you write in?

The ERW (Elite Road Warrior) Branded Journal

Q5 – What does your layout look like?

Top Left – location (for example: Outer Banks, NC)

Top Right – date (for example: W.10.16.19)

I use two pages of my journal so there’s a lot of free space. Here’s an example:

Before we get into the Eight Questions I Answer Every Morning on the Road, let’s talk about WHY I do it.

The road has the ability to suck out any empathy, compassion, generosity, etc within a person and especially men.

I found that too often I was coming home jaded and it was affecting my wife and kids.

I was bringing home the stress of the road from the long hours to the draining people I encountered or dealt with and my family and friends didn’t really care for “that Bry or that guy” if you will.

I didn’t grow up journaling. I didn’t have examples of people around me who journaled. Notetakers yes but not journalers and there’s a difference.

I viewed journaling as a girl thing in a diary therefore not for me.

And when I eventually tried it after prompting from a mentor, I sucked at it.

I was SO inconsistent. Huge entry one day then days and weeks would pass with radio silence and major gaps.

Then my perfectionism would come out and I had to journal and do it “just right.”

Way…Too…Much…Pressure.

And I quit.

A few years ago Scott Mawdesley, Elite Road Warrior subject matter expert for Develop energy habit, really challenged me its’ more important THAT I write, not what I write and I should try just journaling “just one line” per entry.

I could write more but Write One Line became my mantra.

And you know what? It worked.

Then another mentor of mine, Jonathan Milligan, encouraged me with key questions he asked himself every morning to give structure to his journaling and encouraged me to do the same – hence the Eight Questions I Answer Every Morning on the Road.

But WHY do I journal these questions and what comes as a result?

Clarity – What do I want out of my life
Themes – What’s happening on a consistent basis in my life – what are the patterns I wouldn’t normally see without reflecting
Focus – where should I spend my time

MONITOR the HEART, the 3rd part of the Invest in You Formula of the Develop Energy Habit has three Checks of the Heart Engine: (think of check lights coming on your dash about your engine).

One – PULSE CHECK
Learning to ask: “How am I REALLY doing?”

We ask people all the time, “How are you doing?” We don’t really care or even want them to give an answer beyond fine or great. My father used to have a drop-dead line when someone asked that question. Here’s how it went:

Acquaintance: “How are you doing?”
My father: “Depends”
Acquaintance: (Confused and stops in their tracks.) “Depends on what?”
My father: “How much time you have. If you only have a second, I’m fine. If you have a minute or two, I’ll actually tell you how I’m doing.”

That interaction was always awkward to me as a kid, but wow, do I understand it now. On the road, we would change the word “fine” to “busy” then compete with each other on who is busier (aka who’s more important!).

Two – GRATITUDE CHECK
Learning to ask: “Who or what am I grateful for right now?”

We want to be grateful people.

We may even say we’re grateful people but here’s the proof – every single day.

Three – SOUL CHECK
Learning to ask: “What do I need to get out that I’m keeping in?

This is beyond touchy-feely feelings but making sure we get to the heart of you as an elite road warrior.

I have three simple categories for my questions:

Review Yesterday – 3 questions

Reflect Now – 2 questions

Rehearse Today – 3 questions

REVIEW YESTERDAY

Question 1 – What Happened Yesterday?

I want to be able to track my time so I know what my day looked like.

NEEDED DISCLAIMER – These are bullet points, not sentences or paragraphs.

I want to be able to remember that specific day at a glance just looking at What happened yesterday listings.

I want to know:

Was I productive?
Were there the margins in my day and where?
Did the six energy habits exist?

This is GREAT intel at the end of my month and the end of my quarter when I review my journal to see how I spent my time.

Question 2 – What Were My Biggest Wins?

These are the answers to what I actually accomplished.

Some days my response is “busy but not productive” – I detest these days on the road.

Notice it’s my BIGGEST wins, not any wins. I want to see forward motion on my goals for the week and the day to day big wins give me that intel.

Question 3 – What Were My Lessons Learned?

This may come from what I read or listened to yesterday or this morning.

It may be from my big wins or lack thereof.

It’s how I’m doing and what I’m learning in regards to the three focus areas of ERW: Work / Health / Home Life.

This is feedback on if and how I’m growing on a DAILY basis – is there a theme?

This 3rd question challenges me and sometimes it takes me a minute or two to think of something if the answer is not top of mind.

Note: sometimes I may need to move on to another question and come back to it but I always want to answer this key question.

Three Review Yesterday Questions – which, by the way, I write in red in my ERW Journal with the answers in blue.

Two Reflect Now Questions… which I write in black in my journal with the answers in blue.

REFLECT NOW

Question 4 – Who / What Am I Thankful For RIGHT NOW?

This is the GRATITUDE CHECK
Learn to ask: “Who or what am I grateful for right now?”

I have to be honest, some days it’s easy to mail it in and put something generic but that’s not the goal.

It’s The Who and/or the What but also the WHY – why am I thankful for that person or situation?

I’ve learned through the years people I’m grateful for actually don’t know I’m grateful for them UNLESS I TELL THEM!

This is a GREAT chance to prompt you to take action RIGHT THEN to let them know – send them a text/email/voicemail.

Sometimes I actually take a picture of that answer in my journal and send it to them.

You’d be shocked how just this little gesture means to people especially people who you care about and are thankful for.

If I’m struggling to answer this question on a consistent basis, this is a heart issue on my part that needs attention.

Question Five – How Am I Feeling Right Now?

This is the PULSE CHECK
Learn to ask: “How am I REALLY doing?”

I know what you guys are thinking: here’s the diary “touchy/feely” part of the program. And you’re right – suck it up and try it. I’m not asking for you to write paragraphs and have a Kleenex available.

Mine are short bullets. For example:

Exhausted from…
Better rested because…
Proud of…
Disappointed in…
Frustrated by…
Missing home right now…
Motivated to…

Nothing earth-shattering but I want a pulse on how I’m really doing.

Am I seeing patterns of day-after-day-after-day of being frustrated or tired?

This question is not nearly as hard as you think especially if you do it bullet style and lead with a key emotion word: proud, disappointed, tired, motivated, etc.

Three Rehearse Today Questions: which I put in green and answer in blue.

Why rehearse the day?

It’s like an athlete or a performer playing their game or performance in their mind.

Too often we just let the Road Day happen to us.

We’re not intentional then we wonder why our road day gets hijacked and we’re ALWAYS up until midnight working.

We want to be elite as a road warrior, it takes these type of moments and first thing in the morning to lock in how you want your day to go.

REHEARSE TODAY

Question Six – What Are My Big 3 Today?

This is a concept from Michael Hyatt in his Full Focus Planner.

The Daily Big 3 are designed to come from the Weekly Big 3 which comes from your Quarterly Big 3.

I set quarterly goals in business but also in life so my weekly Big 3 and should influence your daily big 3.

If I have a heavy travel day, these are key.

What do I want to get done on my 4-hour flight?

If I have a heavy meeting or event day, maybe my Big 3 needs to happen 1st thing in the morning.

Pro Tip: almost every single business travel day one of my Big 3 is energy habit six: CONNECT – I want to make my family a high priority within my day which means I need to schedule it.

The first of the three target elements of the Protect Connect Formula in energy habit #6 is Connect Intentionally and by scheduling it as one of my big 3 it will get done.

When I schedule my Big 3 in my Elite Road Warrior Journal, I then enter it into my Full Focus Planner.

Question Seven – What is Today’s Highlight?

I learned this one from the book, Make Time.

The authors have three ways to determine your today’s highlight:

Something URGENT that must get done today and will be a huge relief if and when it is done
Something SATISFYING that will make you feel pleased and proud it’s completed
Something that brings you JOY – what you look forward to = mine is usually my downtime activity

The point here is you have a focus point or a “highlight” on this specific day that is important to you and you look forward to, relieved, or proud when it happens or completed.

Question Eight – What Would Make Today Great?

I credit this question to Jonathan Milligan, my mentor and friend, who challenged me to answer this question each day.

And it was a challenge but now I depend on this last question.

Alan Stein, Jr. in his book, Raise Your Game, states there are only two things in life you have control over:

Your attitude
Your effort

And oftentimes my response is one of those and often deals with the six energy habits.

I want and I need to make each day on the road GREAT.

I want to be at my best and no longer just get by but leverage each day on the road to get better.

Another Option…

To be honest, some days I just don’t feel like answering all the questions or what I’m going through or feeling doesn’t fit one of the eight questions or just needs to be worked through on paper. What do I do?

Headline Option.

Hate Being Gone Today
This Just Keeps Happening
Didn’t See THAT Coming
Wow, I Regret THIS

This style allows me to still express what I’m thinking/feeling and have the freedom to go “off-road” on some or all the questions depending on what’s going on in my life. I find I use this approach the most on the weekends or when I’m just working through or struggling with something.

Let’s Land This Plane

Two Practical Actions:

One – Just start – write one line for each question.

Maybe you have your own questions and some ERWs have contacted me with the questions they’ve developed. But they often start with mine. Either way is fine.

And mine started with Jonathan Milligan’s questions. Start with my questions or a form of them to kickstart you in this Develop energy habit.

Two – Order the Elite Road Warrior Branded Journal – enjoy what you journal in. For me, I love the leather – the look and the feel. I love the paper in the journal. I love the pens I write with and the leather case they’re kept in. This makes a HUGE difference when it comes time to write. I’m also proud to carry it around and it promotes Elite Road Warrior. Order HERE.