Why I’m Questioning My Purpose

Purpose is just such a big, subjective word and difficult to wrap your head around if you don’t feel you have it.

So much of my life I’ve felt that way. What am I REALLY suppose to be doing with my life?

I thought it was one thing, had it, lost it, chased it, changed it, but never really felt the next thing was it.

I’ve always worked hard and done well at what I’ve done but inside I just felt there was something more I was suppose to do with my life. I was questioning my purpose.

Fear of Not Finding My Purpose

I would never admit it to most people, but I was afraid I would not find my purpose and in the end, my life would not make a difference. I would not accomplish anything that really mattered. I wondered Do I Have IT?

I found myself drawn to those who I wanted answers from but who usually left me with more questions. Big questions. Deep questions. But questions that pulled back the covers and really made me wrestle with my thoughts.

These questions weren’t easily answered but overtime I began to develop some clarity. Without it, I had no focus.

My wise counsel ultimately led me to Question My Purpose and ask these two simple yet vital questions:

Question One –  What Do I REALLY Enjoy Doing?

Ironically, there are things you’re good at but simply don’t enjoy. Crazy, huh?

It’s easy to say we enjoy things we’re good at but is it actually true? I found myself partial on a lot of those answers which means I didn’t really enjoy them.

This is key in discovering your purpose. I want to really enjoy this activity because ultimately it’s what I want to spend a majority if not all of my time doing the rest of my life.

I want to lose track of time when I do it. I want to smile, be fully engaged, and not want it to end. Ever.

What do you really, really enjoy doing in your life? If you know the answer, you may be on to something…

Question Two – When Do I Feel the Most Fulfilled?

At the end of the day, there were a lot of things that really drained me. I felt like I had a skill in doing them but they simply left me exhausted and unfulfilled.

When I looked at those activities and analyzed their affect on me, I learned something about myself. There are very few things that actually fulfill me and leave me more energized after doing them.

I was on to something.

Others that I trusted were affirming me that they could tell this was an area of passion for me that was bringing me life.

If they really knew me, they could tell this was missing in my life and I was finally discovering something about myself they seemingly knew all along.

This Isn’t Fair

It doesn’t seem fair. Why couldn’t they just tell me the answer and save me all of this time?

Simply because this is a process in life that must be self-discovered.

The comparison is a teacher just giving you the answers and you wrestling with the problem to come up with the answer on your own.

Sure, it’s easier for the teacher to answer the questions for you. But the value really comes in the process of discovery more than anything else. It’s what you learn about yourself that develops your personal growth.

When we can come up with the answer with the guidance of others, we truly get it, understand it, and own it.

Purpose is a lot like that. It’s big. It’s truly impactful. And it’s very personal.

The Journey

This led me on a personal journey of deep thought and reflection which I feel like I’m FINALLY at the implementation of the answer.

I’ve met so many people who were where I was at awhile ago who just want the answer from the teacher but not willing to do the homework and wrestle through the process on their own.

But those willing to work through the process will ultimately find the answers. It may start today for you asking the above two questions and really being willing to Question Your Purpose and think through your responses.

They will change. They will need to be edited and revisited. But remember the process is SO good for you in the end.

Closing Challenge…

Purpose is SO personal and must be individually discovered. There is such a struggle and beauty in the process that produces growth and maturity.

Some people just seem like they naturally and easily find it. But most people must go through this challenging process to find its answer.

I challenge you to Question Your Purpose and find clarity in this key area of your life.

Closing Questions…

What is your answer to the following two questions:

1. What do I really enjoy doing?

2. When do I feel the most fulfilled?

Four Words That Could Change Your Nutrition Regrets

The average person opens up the fridge or looks at the menu and says these four words: “what should I eat?”

How does THAT usually end?

It then leads to a downward spiral choice of another possible four words:

What’s the easiest choice?
What’s the quickest choice?
What’s the largest choice?
What’s is the tastiest choice?

Here’s the problem. These seemingly innocent and simple four words put you in reaction mode. You’re willpower is the absolute lowest in these moments and as a result, so are your food choices.

But what if you chose four words that were proactive and offered few to no regrets?

I want to challenge you to adopt another four words that you train yourself to ask every single time you have the opportunity to eat something, anything.

Four Words That Could Change Your Nutrition Regrets

Make The Healthiest Choice

There is one word that should absolutely jump off this page so let me write the statement again and see if you catch it:

Make the Healthiest Choice

What if you said those specific four words absolutely every time you were about to eat? How much different would the results be AFTER you eat whatever you chose to eat?

Here are Four Ways to Maximize the Use of the Four Words:

1. Plan Ahead

When we meal plan at home, it avoids opening the fridge and making a poor choice. If we do, we’re consciously choosing to not make a healthy choice and that’s a completely different conversation.

We can avoid what is easiest, quickest, etc. by simply planning our meals ahead of time.

If you’re going out to eat, again, plan ahead. This can be done in two ways:

• Offer to do intel if you’re going out to eat. Come back with a couple of choices that you know you’ll be fine with either way
• Look at the menu ahead of time. Almost every restaurant has their menu online or you can call in advance.

For example, I was out on business last week and taking a group out for dinner. I volunteered to look at the restaurant choices while I went out for a run and at dinner I knew in advance exactly what I would order at the two best restaurant choices.

By planning ahead, I was able to make the healthiest choice. This can be done, nutrition fans.

2. Let Someone Know Ahead of  Time

If you’re going out to eat or over to someone’s house for dinner, simply let them know.

Most of the time we host people to our house so we can control what is prepared.

But other times we’re invited over to someone’s house or out for dinner. If they don’t ask us our preference, we voluntarily weigh in our choice to prefer something healthy.

Then we add a KEY detail: defining healthy to us!

You cannot assume others have the same definition of healthy as you.

This is critical for me on the road. Many of my meetings are over one of the three major meals. You have more say and influence than you realize but must speak out. This is on you ultimately.

Lastly, if you’re at a restaurant and have chosen to truly adopt these four words that could change your nutrition regrets, it’s okay to ask for the server to work with you.

I do NOT suggest just ripping the menu apart and leaving the server as your enemy.

I DO recommend saying something similar to this:

“Hey Lauren, would you be willing to work with me on the menu and what I order? I’m on a pretty restricted diet, and it would mean a lot to me if you would help me in this area.”

I’ve yet to have one server balk for a second on a question like this because I’m asking for their help. Often they go over and above and even go as far as asking the kitchen if they can alter off the menu for you. What a difference!

3. Be Ready for the Lesser of the Evils

Sometimes there are no true healthy choices. A lettuce-based salad with two vegetables (always one cucumber and two, count em, two grape tomatoes) with a piece of dried grilled chicken is your healthiest choice.

And this could easily allow you to justify going for broke and ordering whatever you want. Careful nutrition fans.

I struggle when there are limited options and I’m on the road because I do NOT like feeling hungry. And when I do, I’m far more likely to make a bad choice the next time because my only criteria becomes portion size! Holy Over-eating, Batman.

But if I know going in, it’s going to be slim pick ins on my choices, I refer back to #1 go in with a plan.

If I’ve done my intel and I’m prepared, it will allow me to either supplement on the front end or back end. This is what I mean.

I can choose to have a healthy snack before I go in to take the edge off or I can eat something healthy after the dinner. You have these choices and they will avoid an all too-often nutrition regret.

4. Get Past the Fear of Missing Out

This is a biggie for me especially charging the meal on a gracious corporate card.

I seem to have the self-control and willpower UNTIL I see the menu or here what someone else is going to order.

I just always seem to feel like I’m going to miss out on something good.

Here’s the problem. I’m looking at the NEAR term only. One hour after the meal never seems to be a consideration, but only in the moment.

If you go in with a different mindset of “make the healthiest choice” and your choice is choosing a better future than an “impulsive now”, you will be better off.

But this take practice and pre-decision. It cannot be done in the moment.

I’ve failed in this area more than any other because I started reacting and looking at only what I’m missing out on right now if I don’t indulge. Avoidable.

Closing Challenge…

Warning: this is a process.

It takes determination and dedication to have these four words become natural before you eat each meal or even snack.

Chances are there will be times you will choose a different key word in the four words (easiest / quickest / largest / tastiest).  But the key is what you do the exact next meal.

I’ve found that not continuing the pattern and making the 2nd mistake (excellent post by James Clear) is absolutely critical to getting back on the nutritional wagon.

Engrave “Make the Healthiest Choice” in your mind.

Write it down on a 3×5 card. Put it on a Post-It Note on your fridge.

Make small Post-It Notes with the acronym MTHC as reminders everywhere. Get serious!

Remember, only YOU control your nutrition, so take responsibility now and escape your average in this area.

Implement these four words with your very next meal. Then the next meal. Then the next…

Closing Question…

What is your barrier to implementing the four words: Make the Healthiest Choice?

Two Surprising Reasons You May Not Be

As Grateful As You Think You Are

How far does a thank you go with you?

How do you feel when someone thanks you and you really sense how much it means to them? How much more likely are you to do it again?

The character quality of Gratefulness most say they have yet little proof can be given to back that statement up.

I love being in the presence of a grateful person. You can truly tell when someone embodies this quality.

Yet how ironic everyone loves to be around the grateful person but rarely willing to do what it takes to actually become that person.

I actually really like the definition of grateful:

Deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received

Another way of saying it is gratitude is the experience of counting one’s blessings. Or as my kids would say “focusing on what I have, not on what I don’t.”

But there may be a couple of reasons why you don’t have this endearing character quality…

Two Specific Reasons You May Not Be As Grateful

As You Think You Are

1. You Simply Rarely Think About What You’re Grateful For In Your Life

Since being Grateful may not be completely natural to us so we must do something to inherit the Gratefulness character quality.

Gratefulness is active not passive which means we must choose what to focus our minds on during the day.

This is harder than it seems and often times, we need something to help us focus.

For me personally, I’ve recently been introduced to a means of daily thinking about gratitude.

I was listening to a podcast called Achieving Your Goals by Hal Elrod and was introduced to UJ Ramdas. He is the co-author of the Five Minute Journal.

He cited a 2003 study by Emmons and McCullough* found that keeping a daily gratitude journal leads to not just an increased sense of well-being but also better sleep, willingness to accept change and also help and lower symptoms of physical pain.

I was SO challenged by starting my day with gratitude, I bought the Five Minute Journal immediately.

The challenge was what if I were to immediately begin my day with writing down three things I’m grateful for right now.

As you can see, there are other questions as part of the journal (which will be discussed in more detail in a future post).  But I love thinking through “What would make today great?” And there are a couple of questions to end your day as well.

I’ve now done this everyday for the last month and it’s amazing what this simple exercise each morning has done for my attitude and perspective on life.

To think you’re a grateful person is one thing but when you sit down and actually write out what you’re grateful for is something completely different.

This exercise actually showed the dichotomy of believing and doing.

I’m grateful for having the necessity of becoming a grateful person brought to my attention. And it’s even a character quality we’re focusing on with our kids! “Buckleys are grateful by focusing on what we have and not on what we don’t.”

2. You Rarely If Ever Express What You’re Grateful For In Your Life

The first step has to be thinking of what you’re grateful for but should go to the next level. How?

By expressing your gratefulness.

I found that since I’ve been journaling the three things each day I’m grateful for, I want to let someone else know how much I appreciate them or a certain area of gratitude I feel towards them.

One specific way I found was in good old fashioned card writing. I went to Target and bought a box of colored cards and envelopes ($15?) and have been writing notes to my wife and friends letting them know a very specific way I am grateful for them. Here’s a visual of the suspect:

I love seeing the pile of notes from my wife and I know just how much they mean to her.

As a result from this simple yet powerful exercise of expressing gratitude, these relationships have changed. How would they know if I only “think” it without “expressing it?

Written grateful expressions can also be done through a text, email, voice mail, or even stopping someone, looking them in the eyes, and letting them know you’ve been thinking of an area of gratitude and just wanted them to know. Here are two examples:

Just today I did that to a friend who has become very close in the last six months. I took a moment, looked him in the eyes and let him know just how grateful I am for his friendship and investment into my life. It was a special moment for both of us. The idea came from my morning gratitude section in my Five Minute Journal.

I have one friend who used to choose one person a day to leave a voice mail at a time he knew he they would not pick up the call just so he can leave them a message of one area he was grateful for that person. How awesome is that?! (selfishly, I always loved it was my turn for that call!)

Closing Thoughts

No matter how busy we are in our lives, we can and need to take time to be grateful.

This is an area of your character that ONLY YOU can do.

So, I highly recommend doing one or more of the following action items:

1. Purchase the Five Minute Journal (can only be bought online by clicking here)

2.  Purchase a blank cards / envelopes to write thank you cards.

3. Choose someone to call, email, text, or tell each day for the next seven days.

Be the motivated person you are and apply this post in your life today. I would love to hear a few days or weeks from now of the difference it’s made in your life like in mine.

Closing Question

What will you do TODAY as a next step to strengthen your character with Gratefulness?

*source: Count Blessings versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-Being in Daily Life, Emotions and McCullough (2003)